The Longest Day of my Life

“Dave, wake up, mums not well and I need to go to the hospital, so pray now”

Those were the words that I was woken up to at 6.49am on the 17^th April 2011, and it is a day that I will never forget for the rest of my life. The day my Mum left me to go to glory.

For this post (of probably several about Mum) I just want to talk about how astounding God has been today (I wrote this on the 17^th but posted it later)

So after those words Dad woke me up to, I really did pray, for a lot of things, mainly that God would help us through whatever was coming along, obviously I prayed for mum too but part of me knew that it was the worst for some bizarre reason.

Then Dad came home and I heard him say ‘Hello’ in his typical happy voice, and I thought for a few seconds that everything was fine, but then he came into my room and said you need to come downstairs now.... So I threw on my clothes as quickly as I could and I was halfway down the stairs before I heard crying, that was when I knew she had gone. A lot of crying took place, but then we had a prayer time together, just asking for God’s grace, kindness and love to help us. Little did I know that we would be helped in a way I could never have imagined. We then had my minister come round and talk to us and pray with us, which was amazing, and then he read the following passage to help us:

Psalm 121: I lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and for evermore

We then went to the hospital to see her which was incredibly traumatic, but at the same time I am so pleased I did go as I was able to say goodbye. We had even more prayer time by her bedside just calling out to God for help and thanking him for Mum.

Once we had finished at the hospital we went home not quite knowing what to do with ourselves, my sister asked if she could watch TV only to find a minute later her turning it off in frustration as there was 'nothing to watch' (and we have Sky+ so there’s always something to watch!). So we were a bit lost on what to do with ourselves. My brother was very keen on going to church to be with our family there, I was sceptical at first but came round to the idea. And man alive am I glad I did!

So off we went, the 4 of us (which will take me ages to get used to say), not quite sure what to expect. We went in late so we could sit at the back, which we did. In the middle of the service in my church they play a music video so people can go and talk to people and encourage each other while collection is taken. During the video I must have had at least 20 hugs from different people, with a lot of tears thrown in too, I felt Gods love and comfort more than I can explain, I have without a doubt in my mind how real God is and how incredible he is.

The whole day then went on from there, with the Sermon being about how as a Church we need to be like Heaven on Earth, and for me, even with it being one of the worst days of my life, it was one of the best, as I felt a slice of Heaven today, I felt Gods presence in a profound way. We as a family were so blessed with all the love and affection we had from our Brothers and Sisters in Christ. So thank you Mount Pleasant Baptist Church, I really do love you all.

But above all I have had God’s peace and grace today, people have been asking me how I am so much today, and I feel a lot better than I think I should, but that is all down to God just being with me. The thing that has helped more than any other, is knowing that my Mum is in Heaven now, I know that with certainty, she knew and had a personal relationship with Jesus in a very real way, which is so comforting to know.

It is hard to explain, but God has been with me and my Family in such a real tangible way. I have quite simply seen my God at work today.

If you are reading this, please pray for us as a family of 4, there's Dad (49), Me (21), my brother James (17) and my very little sister Bethan (11). We need Gods help, and we have only got this far with the power of prayer. Also pray for our extended family too as they need Gods help as much as we do, if not more.

Love you Mum!!!

David

Only relationship that counts

The relationship between You and Jesus doesn't matter!!! Sorry.... What?!

That was my initial reaction to that line in a recent sermon I heard. I was starting to think whether my minister had lost it.... he hadn't ... as usual, he had a very valid point, I just needed keep on listening.

He went on to talk about with Christianity you shouldn't be worrying about your feelings and how 'close' to God you are feeling at every moment of every day. As we are humans, and quite weak beings at that, our emotions get the better of us far more than they should, so you can feel really on fire for God one day and feel like you are going to tell the whole world about Jesus and how he died on the cross. Then the next day you're feeling tired or let down by God for not doing some selfish thing you wanted him to do etc.

What the minister then went onto say was that the only relationship that really counts is the relationship between God the Father and Jesus (The Son) as it is only through that relationship that we can call ourselves Christians. As I am an incredible sinner (and I am becoming more aware of it the further into my walk with Jesus I go), I deserve nothing but punishment from God the Father. But through what Jesus did on the cross and saving me from my punishment, he fully became all my faults on that cross and God punished his own son for me.

That is the only relationship that matters the one between the Father and the Son as that is what makes me a Christian, and I just need to constantly remind myself of that truth, that covenant. That is what Christianity is based on.

David

Encouraging others

When I was seriously struggling and went very much off the path in terms of having a relationship with Jesus while I was at university I went along to a church one Sunday (mainly to keep my mum happy). I remember going in and being welcomed by a familiar face. Which was really nice and encouraging but I then sat down to wait for the service to start, and no one sat down around me or tried to talk to me which stupidly upset me and put me off from going back to that church (petty I know!). But right at the last minute, just before the service started another familiar face had seen that I was on my own and came and sat down next to me, I remember the overwhelming sense of emotion and gratitude I felt that someone had cared enough to come and make me feel more involved.

Now that I know and Love Jesus and I am getting more involved in Church and serving him. I have been convicted that I do sometimes stay to my self contained group of friends a little too much and I know that I need to make more of an effort to welcome others, especially on how much it meant to me when those two people did the same for me.

So I hope and pray that God will use me to encourage others for his Glory.


David

I got out of my comfort zone!!!

As you know from some posts I did last week we had some Americans staying for a mission week. It really was an awesome time, I made some good friends who love Jesus as well as getting loads of people to hear the gospel. It really was so refreshing to have them around and hear their zeal that they have for Gods work.


I also went on to say how I should be looking to let God use me, not just be content in my little comfortable group of friends but I should be actively looking to talk to others and share the Gospel, obviously I can't do it by my own power, but at least let God use me, get myself out there so I can be used rather than expecting God to save with me sat down doing nothing.


After I wrote that post on getting out of my comfort zone I gave someone at church a text to ask how I could help out. I quickly got a reply asking for me to go in at 10am to help the Americans go out into Swansea and invite people to meetings as well as some other little jobs. 


So I went in for 10am, we were doing door to door which I have always found terrifying, especially in the particular area I was sent to, which was only compounded by the block of flats that I was sent to. I was with two of the Americans so we took the lift up to the 10th floor and then began knocking doors, asking people to meetings and working our way down. 


We didn't get one person to answer the door for the first floor and a half, then one of the Americans asked for us to pray together, so we did, asking that people would answer the door. Unsurprisingly we then had about 60% of people answering the door and people were really receptive towards it, which was awesome. But what was really sad was to see some of the people in complete states, and what's worse is they have been on my doorstep for years without me even paying attention to them.


Even though I was very anxious and pretty terrified (if I'm honest) of going out and talking to people I did get out of my comfort zone and I was amazed that God answered my prayers, he kept me safe and he used me.


I know I have only touched the tip of the iceberg in terms of what God can do with me, and I am not wanting to leave it at that. I just pray that God will continue to use me.


David

Earthquake and Tsunami

Today when I woke up I had no idea what the day would bring, following my usual routine I got my phone out and checked Facebook in bed, I quickly saw several people posting links about the earthquake and the destruction that it has brought. My heart was quickly very heavy for all the people of Japan and everyone who has been affected by the disaster. I then spent the rest of the morning looking at the BBC live coverage on the internet and seeing the utter chaos that was unfolding on the other side of the planet.


I then started thinking on what this meant in the bigger picture and my mind was drawn to the verse in Mark talking about when Jesus will return.


Mark 13v7-8: When you hear of wars and rumours of wars, do not be alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains.


This is quite scary as it does talk about the end of the world as we know it. Obviously I don't know when it will be, as he will return like a thief in the night (1 Thessalonians 5v2). However what has happened in Japan, Egypt and Libya in the past few weeks is just a reminder that Jesus is coming back.


I really like that in that verse it says 'do not be alarmed' as I was definitely initially alarmed about these things but it is very comforting knowing that God knew I was going to be alarmed and tells me not to be. I am not scared for myself as I know I have been saved through what Jesus did on the cross and I know where I am going, but my heart aches for people who haven't been saved, who don't know Jesus and are going the wrong way.


Even with all this destruction and sadness that is going on in the world I was really comforted today (so much so I tweeted about it) by the evidence that people (in general) still deep down believe that there is something out there, as on twitter there was the hashtag of #prayforjapan which hundreds of thousands of people used, where I'm guessing that the vast majority would not call themselves Christians (or any other religion) yet when there is a disaster as catastrophic as this people do call on God to help, which I found to be really encouraging.


My thoughts and prayers are with the people of Japan and neighbouring countries through this disaster and I pray above all things that people would call on the name of Jesus to help.


David

Why am I not crying?!

Last month we were reading Ezra and Nehemiah in RBT and countless times through these books people were so in touch with their emotions they broke down and cried when things happened (not in the sense that they cried for no reason but they cried in a God centred way). One example of many is: 


Ezra 3v12-13 - But many of the older priests and Levites and family heads, who had seen the former temple, wept aloud when they saw the foundation of this temple being laid, while many others shouted for joy. No one could distinguish the sound of the shouts of joy from the sound of weeping, because the people made so much noise. And the sound was heard far away.


I was really spoken to with this verse as they were so in-tune with their emotions and open hearted they knew the significance of what was happening and it brought them to tears. I am not sure that if I was in that situation whether I would be brought to tears. Not only did they cry, they 'wept aloud' in the sense that they were so upset by what they saw that they screamed with anguish, so much so that they could be heard far away.


I am not saying that I am a macho man (I used to be the king of moaning about everything when I was little and I got upset and started crying at most things) but now I have grown up a bit, I rarely cry, yeah I get upset from time to time but it is very rare that I actually break down into tears. However I have seen from reading that verse and many others, it is good to cry and I am seeing that being emotional isn't a sign of weakness which is how I have been lead to see it. It's actually a really good thing to cry, especially when there is just cause for it.


This has also been backed up with the Americans coming over, it has been amazing to see how emotional they are (in an inspiring, God centred way) and how they really do have a heart for God, it is so amazing to see how they love Jesus and they get upset at things that I have come accustomed to (e.g the state of Swansea and how sad it is for people to go on living their lives without Jesus).


I will continue to pray that God will continue to cultivate my heart and I won't be blind to things that I shouldn't ignore.


David 

Out the comfort zone

We have had some Americans over this week for a mission week (which when said out loud sounds very 'American'...). However it has been such an encouragement to hear people talk about Jesus in another accent, I know that sounds really stupid, but sometimes I find it so easy to think that it is me, my Church in Swansea and God against everyone else. Amazing as that may be, I forget that there are millions upon millions of other Christians who love Jesus all over the world and with these small group of Christians coming over it has reminded me of how many brothers and sisters I have in Christ. Which is AWESOME!


I have been thoroughly encouraged by their servant attitude, their zeal and the way they have a heart to change Swansea, the way I should have a heart to change Swansea. Last night in the prayer meeting the youth leader from the church over in a America talked about how we should be wanting to change the world, get out of our comfort zone and not do it for our gratification but so that we can change the world for Jesus. 


It is very much in the same vein as how we should be missionaries in the places we work, which I did take to heart however I haven't really done much about it. I haven't talked to anyone about Jesus apart from Christians. Which is really challenging, I shouldn't be content in keeping to my little group and staying 'comfortable' but I should be looking to let Jesus use me. I've really been challenged to get out of my comfort zone and let God use me in a way I can't begin to comprehend.


David

The Job Hunt: Update!!!

As you know I had an amazing answer to prayer the other week with the closing of a door (my job) and I was eagerly awaiting the opening of another.... and lets just say two have been opened!!


Seeing as I had been handed my notice by work, my job was going to end pretty quickly. During my last day at work I got a call from the company I really wanted to work for (and still do) and I not only get invited to one interview with the head of one of the businesses within the company, but two!!! So a week after being handed my notice and I get invited to two massive interviews. So he closed one door but opened two even better ones!!!


I then went along to the two interviews this week and lets just say the first one was tough.... It was incredibly challenging with the interviewer asking very probing questions which put me under a lot of pressure. Especially as at the time this was the job that I wanted more than any other. I then had a day to brush myself off before I had to go travelling to the other side of the country for another interview with the head of the other business.


Two days after the second interview I get a call from the Company saying that both businesses want me and I have been offered both jobs and that I get to choose!!! Which is just crazy and makes me grin with excitement every time I think about it.


It is very scary with what is going to happen in the future but I know that God has me in his hand and he has a plan that I can't even begin to imagine. It is incredible with the timing of all of this, I can really see how he has laid down every stepping stone for me to go along and revealed it to me at the perfect time, whether it was passing my driving test the second time around to prevent me from applying to jobs earlier, to being handed my notice so I was available to go to the interviews, to giving me the drive and initiative to start my own website to help me apply for jobs (which I think is one of the major reasons I got this far with the company). There are so many other things which I can see him putting in place to allow me to do this.


I seriously cannot wait to see what he has in store. I hope I can continue to do it all for his Glory.


David

Hunger and Thirst for him

I have never been a massive reader. Ask anyone I know, I am and have generally always been the 'lets wait till they make a film about it type'. The Bible, some of the Harry Potter books and textbooks are really the only books that I have ever read (and the Bible has only been properly in the last few months).

When I was going out with a non-Christian a few years back my Mum tried to help me in the best way she could and buy me some Christian books on relationships. Seeing as I was in no real place to read it I quickly put it on my bookshelf and left it there to gather dust. Early last week I saw this book by Joshua Harris called 'boy meets girl' sitting on my bookshelf and seeing as I want to have a God honouring relationship at some point I just felt the compulsion to start reading it. I couldn't put it down, which is a massive deal for me. I really did learn an incredible amount, some things I do think go a bit too far and I wont be putting them into practice, however overall I found it incredibly helpful to give me an idea what a relationship should be.

This is all very good news but what has it done to me in the big picture? Well it has given me a hunger to learn more of my amazing Father in heaven and how to live for him in a more real way. Obviously this comes fundamentally from reading the Bible but there are some incredibly helpful books out there which will help me learn to live in a more real way.

What is really encouraging is I told my mum that I had started to read the book and I've found it really helpful. She told me that when she gave it to me she realised that I had just put it to one side and had no plan of reading it any time soon. So she prayed that I would read it when my heart was ready and I would be really helped by it. 2 and a half years later I am very pleased that God answered the prayer so wonderfully.

David

Everything in hand

Sometimes God works in ways that we cannot understand to start with. I know that's true on many an occasion for me. But as scary as that is it is so incredible when we can just put our faith in him in the knowledge that he loves us more than we can imagine and that he will provide.

I was told today that my contract won't be extended at the end of the month. Although this was a massive shock to the system I didn't panic, get angry or anything. A few months back I was in the same situation and lets just say that I didn't deal with the prospect of being unemployed very well. But God had a plan and still does.

This is more amazing as this morning on my way to work I prayed that God would make it clear where he wanted me and would open the right doors for me and close the ones he doesn't want me to go for. Not even 7 hours later I am being handed my notice and given a pat on the back for my hard work. I know this is quite a scary prospect of being unemployed but I know he has everything in hand and I have peace in knowing that.

I will keep you posted on where things go. All I know is that I have a loving Father in heaven that has everything planned and I just need rely on him.

David

All or Nothing

All or Nothing.... yes you're right that does sound like a very intimidating title. It could apply to anything really. So I'll stop dilly-dallying around and get to it.


In that last paragraph I touched on what this whole blog post is on. Not getting the point across in the way it should and just going around things rather than tackling things head on. As a Christian, I am saved through what Jesus did on the cross and I am supposed to show off Jesus and make others realise that they need him as well. So when I have evangelised before I often try to do it in my own strength and water it down, instead of saying 'Jesus is the best thing ever and I couldn't live without him' I am often just saying 'yeah he's alright like' (that is said in my welsh accent just in case you were wondering what the 'like' was doing in there).


So there is the danger of watering it down like I often do, but on the other side of the coin there is the possibility of going too far the other way. When I was a teenager in school I lost a lot of friends for telling people that they are going to hell in a very untactful way. I have since not really addressed this at all, I have generally avoided that topic of conversation completely. I thought I was really wrong in telling people they are going to die and go to hell, even though I knew it was the truth, needless to say my evangelising has not really gone anywhere.


Last weekend in the youth group I help in one of my good friends was preaching to the kids. I won't write the whole sermon but basically he talked about one of his friends who had died when he was 18. He then told the kids that they could die tonight as God has given them a certain amount of time to live and they need to stop playing with death and sin as they are heading to hell and unless they sort it out and follow Jesus as they are being stupid if they don't! 


I was initially really shocked and thought 'what is he doing?! you cant say that to the kids!!!' but God spoke and I realised that the kids needed to hear this, I shouldn't just continue on saying everything is cool and there are no worries in life. As this is life and death we are talking about, it's not a game. 


I need to be bold, be strong and rely on God to speak. Not do it in my own strength, but his.


David

Singing to Him

I don't know about you but I am not the most musically gifted person. This goes especially for my vocal chords. As my mum told me when I was little that I couldn't sing (even though she has since taken it back) I have always felt very conscious singing. Especially in church. And particularly when there was a pretty girl sitting directly in front of me.

But since my heart has been changed I am finally getting what this singing business is all about. It's singing to him and giving glory to him. As well as encouraging others around you.

We had a bible study/discussion a few weeks back on the topic of worship which really helped. One thing that was said that has stayed with me is that no where in the bible does it say you must sing beautifully. It just says do it loud and with joy

Psalm 95 v1: Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song.

Nothing about singing beautifully! (although that doesn't mean you should sing really bad on purpose!)

I once hated singing and mimed the songs I didn't like. But now I really look forward to worshipping my incredible father with brothers and sisters in Christ. And I have been trying to sing as loud as I possibly can (albeit out of tune, but it is amazing that I can give glory to him through it).

We sang this song in the prayer meeting last week and the words have stayed with me. I can't remember the song it came from (I have tried searching but I cannot find it) but the words were basically 'I'm coming to you Lord'. This is a song I have sung time and time again, but never really hit home what I was singing. I am actually going to be with my Father, I am on my way, how awesome is that?! It made me realise that I need to take more note of the words than I'm singing, rather than the tone that I'm singing them in.

It really is amazing that I can sing to my God and he can delight in me and what I do for him but not only that, he will also sing for me which is a bit scary when you think about it, but surely having my heavenly Father singing over me can't be a bad thing!

Zephaniah 3v17: The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.

David

Patience - why haven't I got any yet!!?

Seeing as I have been fortunate enough to be invited to several interviews I saw it as the perfect time to get a new suit. As my current suit didn't really fit me well, was grey and from tesco (classy I know!).


So last week I had marked Saturday as 'go to town and buy a suit day'. As a typical male I have to make a big deal out of going shopping on my own. Well I wasn't alone as both my brother and sister needed things sorted out in town (haircut, clothes shopping and other bits and bobs).


So I went in bright and early. I got the siblings pretty much sorted then they came along to sit in the shop while I attempted to get a suit. I told the attendant what I was looking for and asked for his help. He brought out 2 suits in my 'price range' even though with a shirt included it went to almost double what I was hoping to spend. But I didn't want to faff around as my bro and sis were waiting. And I didn't have the patience to go to another shop or ask for a different suit. Even though the suit didn't fit me (with all the eating I've done my waist isn't all that slim anymore) I still bought it (don't ask why!).


So in my head I had ticked the box, I had a suit for my interviews. And I could just about squeeze into it and as long as I didn't move all that much it was kinda comfortable.


When I went home that evening I was expecting to show mum my suit and she would do her usual mumsy thing and gush about how amazing I look and take some photos.... She didn't. She said it wasn't right. Which I was not really expecting in the slightest....


Seeing as I had been shopping for about 6 hours, for a male that is a lot! (For a equivalent amount for a woman your easily talking a good year and a half!!) so due to all the shopping I was tired and snapped at my parents for telling the complete truth. Stupid and embarrassing I know!


Anyway my parents eventually talked me round and told me I should take it back and go get a better fitting and better priced suit somewhere else. So I recruited the help of my dad (and his wallet!) and got a much better suit, and I could fit into it without having to hold my breath which is always advisable.


All this made me realise how impatient I was and how stupidly sinful I was to have a go at my parents for trying to help. It made me aware of how impatient I have been in other aspects of my life as well. I know that I just need to rely on God and stop trying to get everything done right this second. But trust in his plan and just be patient for him to provide me with what I need when I need it.


David

The Job Hunt

Now that I have passed my Driving Test, and I have recovered from the Man Flu (yes it is a real illness) that I had over Christmas I have been applying to as many jobs as possible (well maybe not as possible but you know a LOT).


I have been amazed to see how God is just actively at work in my life, especially my job hunt as I've just been so blessed to be able to see God guiding me every step of the way. A friend gave me a verse the other day which I keep turning to as it is so useful during this time.


Psalm 16:8 (NIV)
I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.


It was really comforting to know that I really do have my God right next to me every step of the way. Guiding me towards a Job. I also came across this verse yesterday


Psalm 37:3-7 (NIV)
Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.


During my job application blitz last week (I had 2 big phone interviews for jobs I had applied for in one day) I was called up randomly for a job I didn't apply for and was given an interview off the cuff and somehow blagged my way through. I then was asked to go to an interview last minute which thankfully work allowed me to have off. So along I went, and I am not putting this so I look super humble, but I completely messed up the interview.


I didn't really want the job due to me wanting to focus on trying to get a job in my field of nerdiness and accounting. So because I didn't really want the job my enthusiasm wasn't there and that came across abundantly in the interview. But me being the numpty I am, I did something very stupid and addressed the situation by saying I wasn't convinced I wanted the job. But the interviewer was really nice and then told me why she asked me in to interview. She gave me some great feedback on my CV and told me that I should just be more confident in my ability. It then went onto being a really interesting meeting rather than an interview, we talked about loads of different things not really relating to anything with the job, it ended with the interviewer actually saying the words 'this is the strangest interview I have ever had'.


That being said I then got an email after the interview saying that I have got through to an group interview for a different job that I really want, and somehow God has led me through several stages of the selection process. So in my eyes I can see it so clearly that God has just put that 'practice' interview in my lap to show me how not to interview and God willing because of what I learnt I will be able to interview a lot better for a more relevant job.


But overall I am not scared about getting a job as I know that he has it in perfect control and I just need to keep applying to jobs and relying on him.


David

I'm not scared to say it: I Love Jesus!

I know I have talked a bit about loving Jesus in other posts and the info sections, but this is more just to talk about where I was a few months back and before that.


During my teenage years I went to church, was in the church youth group, I got baptised, I went on church camps, I tried to be a 'good' person, I asked Jesus into my heart (kinda), I called myself a Christian, and I generally thought that I was.


I knew all about Jesus, I knew some of the answers if I was asked about Christianity by my friends, I knew some of the bible stories, I knew what you had to do to become a Christian. So because I asked Jesus into my heart I thought that I was saved, I'm not all that convinced that I was as I really don't think that I meant it, and if I did it was momentary and I wanted to live my life for me, I didn't want to live as a Christian, I didn't want to lose control, I didn't want to give up my life. I knew it all in my head but it hadn't reached my heart due to me hardening it. 


Looking back I realise that Jesus wasn't real to me, I pretended he was on the outside but deep down I knew that I saw him as something equal to Mother Nature or Santa. So when I heard in sermons or from friends 'I know Jesus' and people confessing their love for Jesus, I kinda ignored it/thought they were a bit strange, I told myself I knew Jesus but I was too scared to question that I quite possibly didn't.


Even a few months back before I moved back home, if you had asked me 'Do you love Jesus?' I would have said 'Err...... yeah of course I do' (with an embarrassed laugh and a funny look on my face...well funnier than normal), I would have then swiftly changed the topic and made a few really bad jokes to make sure I didn't have to talk about Jesus. As I knew that I didn't really have a proper relationship with Jesus. And that made me uncomfortable, mainly as all my best friends were Christians and I didn't want to lose them by questioning if I wasn't actually a Christian or if I was saved and I wasn't living as a Christian.


All that being said, I have been changed these past few months, God has cultivated my heart, and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus is very much real to me. I am not scared to say it: I really do love Jesus.


David

Decisions decisions!

Last week I heard a sermon where God just spoke and spoke powerfully. Especially in response to a post I made last week about 'Hard Decisions', in many senses I felt that God was speaking just to me, but at the same time I knew that the sermon was for the whole church.


It was basically addressing the problem that all Christians face, and that is making decisions, should I go to university? Should I ask him/her out? Should I apply for that job? Should I do this, should I do that? and this continues until you just scream in frustration, and then you ask What's the right thing to do? What does God want me to do? How do I know that this is what he wants me to do? Should I expect a sign? etc etc.


So the talk went onto explain what we should be like and surprise surprise it's all about Jesus, as all of these decisions are very petty in the grand scheme of things, even though they seem very important to us in the moment. But what should be focused on is that we should be loving Jesus with all of our heart and then we will desire what he desires for us. e.g. If our love for Jesus does grow and grow, we then want to live for him, do things to serve and give glory to him and then ultimately do what he wants.


The talk did start off about making decisions but as I said it did go onto focus on what is truly important and that is Jesus. In the last few months Jesus has become such a real thing and my love for him has grown and grown so much in the last few months that I sometimes forget that I can still grow in love for him infinitely more than I already have done. So by hearing this talk it made me very thankful for how much my love for Jesus has grown, but more importantly focusing on continuing to grow and become completely consumed with Jesus.


In terms of last weeks decision it just made me realise that I did have God all the way through making it, even though I did mess it up to start with, I had the desire to make the right decision and do his will. So it made me very thankful for what an amazing saviour I have. 


I don't want this to seem like I think I have attained a super level of godliness and every decision I make will be solely based around Jesus, as I really am not perfect in the slightest, I will continue to fall short, but I do have the desire to live for my perfect saviour.


This extract from Ephesians sums up what I want in my life pretty well from this sermon.


Ephesians 3:16-21 (NIV)
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge---that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.


David

He is my Father

I've realised recently that when I'm praying, I have never really used the word 'Father' which is very disconcerting for me to realise. Through all the prayers I've prayed (and during exam periods especially that's a LOT) I have never addressed my God with the word Father. Which he is, as he was the one that fashioned my very existence.


I realised this whilst praying with others that a lot of people do call him Father which then led me to question why I have never done so.


I came to the conclusion that I was still trying to hold on to power in whatever way I could, as calling someone Father is really quite a submissive thing to do. As you are admitting they are your elder and have power over you. So it made me realise even more so that I have no power of my own and everything comes from the father.


I was really quite shocked that i had been doing this for so long and it showed me that I wasn't treating my awesome heavenly Father in the way I should. It was very humbling to realise that even in my prayer life I can sometimes completely miss very important truths.


It does astonish me sometimes on how God can teach me a lot from such a small realisation. He knows my heart and I will continue to fall short of his glory. But through what Jesus did on the cross I don't have to worry about how bad I am but focus on what an amazing savour and a loving Father I have and it's amazing to realise that he really does love me (even when I was against him) in a way I can't even begin to comprehend.


David

Hard Decisions

Last week I had to make arguably the hardest decision of my life. I won't go into details as I don't feel it necessary to talk about that. However believe me when I say it was a huge decision.


I knew that this decision was coming up and the night before I distinctly prayed that God would just make it abundantly clear on what he wanted me to do. And his will would be done. I didn't realise at the time that God would make it as clear as he did. It was mind boggling really. But first what happened....


It got to the actual making of the decision, I chose what my heart wanted and what I thought what God wanted for me. But I soon realised that this was very much the wrong thing to be doing. But in doing the wrong thing I had made the situation infinitely worse than it otherwise could have been.


I was completely and utterly ashamed of how sinful I was capable of being and I was distraught at what I had done. I was also very angry at God in a very pitiful way that he wanted me to make this decision. Even though I had distinctly prayed for it to be abundantly clear on what I should do. I just didn't want/expect it to be the answer he gave me or make it as clear as he did.


Even with all the mess that I had made for myself he really did rescue the situation and he was glorified through it. I did see after a few days that he made me make the right decision and gives me amazing confidence and trust in my amazing God that very much has a plan for my life. And all I need to do is rely on him.


David

I am a Missionary?

Last week was the first of a special type of prayer meeting in my church. It's all about being a missionary in your place of work. What happens is several different members of the church go up the front, say what they work as, the non christians they work with and the challenges they go through and what they need praying for. We then have a time of prayer for them before the next person goes up to share. It was truly amazing to hear what some people do and how they rely on god through all different circumstances.


The meeting is all based around how we should as Christians be showing off Gods glory through work and how we are responsible for being missionaries to the non-Christians that we work with. Not in the sense of preaching instead of working, but more like being salt and light in work and showing that we are different through Christ.


I don't know about you but I never thought of myself as a missionary. As I've always seen that the name missionary is only given to 'elite' Christians that go off church planting in some country I've never heard of. But it is amazing to think that I am in the place of work I am in currently not only to earn some money and improve my cv but more importantly to show off the glory of my god and try to show people how Jesus has changed my life and ultimately be a missionary.


David

RBT - The Concept

My Church is doing this life changing thing at the moment. It is called reading the Bible! (crazy right?!) and not only that but Reading the Bible Together! (Hence RBT). God is transforming our church into something that was unrecognisable when I first came back from university as they started it then. It really is very exciting stuff. 


Basically the premise is we have a set book(s) that we are supposed to read each month and once a month we have several different meetings at different times for different people (you go to the one that is most convenient for you to attend) and we talk about what God had shown us through the book(s). To give us some direction we have a set list of 9 questions, to which we have to find verses which go along with that. i.e what did you learn about Jesus, and you would say this verse taught me this about Jesus. Sounds a bit boring? Well trust me it isn't!!!


So basically I am going to be posting every month (and quite a few in the coming weeks as I need to catch up with all the books that I have done so far) what I was shown through different books. I am hoping that it will help cement just how amazing our God is by putting pen to paper (or rather fingers to keyboard)


I don't know about you but with me personally is I have never been very good at reading my Bible and when I did I just read it with my mind being completely blank. It was a chore and I in no way enjoyed it, but when I came back to Swansea I realised on what God had done to the church so it made me take notice and it had never really clicked before but the Bible is God's Word, I know that is common knowledge, I never really believed it before if that makes sense, it really is what he speaks to us through. I look forward to learning more about what God has to teach me.


David

Jesus isn't Plastic!

Please do watch this video

A few months ago I moved back home after being in university, I had just gone through a horrific break up, and I was going back to the place where during my whole time at uni, I didn't want to go back to, I dreaded it. Most significant though was I was in no way walking with the Lord, I wasn't reading my Bible, I was going to church out of obligation once a month or so to keep my Mum happy and I was praying only for things like 'Please let me pass my exams first time' (which I did, which when doing Accounting and Finance is a miracle in itself), 'Please get me the best job without having to do anything' (He didn't answer that one...yet....) and a lot of other self involved prayers. Basically I was dead as a Christian, and I was living a Non-Christian life and I had been for 3 years at Uni.


However with all of that resentment towards my home town (mainly because all my Christian friends were there and I knew I was living a completely empty and meaningless life and it would remind me of that), I moved back and I went along to my home church and all I can say is God spoke to me and spoke to me big time. He made it abundantly clear that I was going no where and unless I changed pretty quick I was heading for a completely miserable life.


He did speak to me in loads of ways and one of them was this video that a mate of mine showed me when we were exchanging youtube videos (as you do). When I first watched it, it made me angry, but I think it is supposed to do that if you are not living the way you should, I then began to question what it is that Jesus means to me? Is my Jesus plastic? After a while of pondering this I realised I had completely gotten the wrong end of the stick after all the years of sitting in sermons and living as a 'Christian', Jesus is alive and he is real and I can know him. Obviously it wasn't a miraculous sudden change with mist and fancy mood lighting, but my eyes were opened, and over the next few months with me properly reading God's word with RBT (I will be talking about that A LOT in future posts) and letting Jesus rule my life, I really have felt my relationship with Jesus grow into something so much more meaningful. I can now honestly say that my Jesus is real and alive in me and he is definitely not plastic.


Now when I watch this video it encourages me, but it is only through being challenged first that I am now able to take encouragement from it.


David

Christianity Today

I am a Christian, but one thing I really dislike is how by saying that these days is that it often is just looked at with a really blasé attitude which often comes with "So am I!" when asked more into it they say things like "I know there might be a God out there somewhere up in the clouds, I like the church buildings, I like singing with an organ or I went to church 2 and a bit years ago (I was completely bored out of my mind, I stared at the ceiling the whole time day dreaming about all the Christmas presents I'll be opening tomorrow) but I am still a Christian."


In my opinion you are either saved or not i.e. either a Christian or not, no 'ifs' and 'buts' in between. All I know is that Jesus died on the Cross for me and through him I have salvation. As ultimately that is the most important thing, and the thing that makes you a Christian is by knowing Christ and I am thrilled to say I know Jesus. I wish all "Christians" out there were saved and for those who aren't I will just have to pray that they do come to know the Lord Jesus Christ as their personal friend. As it rocks.


But thinking about this leads me to question, have I got it right? Are there other Christians out there who know that I have got it wrong? I know I am still a massive sinner and get a lot of stuff wrong, a lot of the time but I hope and pray that I have the fundamentals right. But by just questioning this simple belief it has cemented in my mind that I am saved, I do have a personal relationship with the living God and I have (for once) got this right, not through my own intellectual prowess but through God's amazing wisdom.


Really all I can do in the future when someone says "I am a Christian" and then says something that completely contradicts being a Christian is pray for them, as well as making it abundantly clear that I believe in Jesus and what the Bible teaches and ultimately we believe in 2 very different Gods (which isn't easy to say), But as long as I back it up with scripture then God willing I'm doing the right thing (I hope!)


Luke 11v23 He who is not with me is against me, and he who does not gather with me, scatters.


Mark 6v11 And if that place will not welcome you or listen to you, shake off the dust off your feet when you leave as testimony against them. 


David

A Blog?

This is my very first entry into what is my very first Blog, I have no idea how this is going to pan out. All I know is yesterday I prayed that the Lord would help me focus myself on him more and help me to have a bigger fire for him in living my life for him.


What did I find today? I randomly stumbled on Christian Blogs through the Google Reader App for my iPhone I randomly felt like downloading this morning. I then felt the compulsion to start a Blog and here I am. God is funny how he pushes me to do new things.


I want it to be clear this is not a 'New Years Resolution' as I think they are a load of rubbish really (no offence to you people who are still going to the gym for just over a week, good luck with the continuation of that!). If I put the New Years Resolution tag on this it is doomed to fail before February. However instead this Blog is here to give glory to my God, and I am hoping it will help me deeper reflect on God's word, what he is doing in my life and where he wants me to go in the future.


If you are reading this I hope you become encouraged as a fellow brother or sister in Christ and enjoy my very poor humour. Also if you do not know Jesus as your personal Lord and Saviour then I hope this provokes thoughts.


David