I know I have talked a bit about loving Jesus in other posts and the info sections, but this is more just to talk about where I was a few months back and before that.
During my teenage years I went to church, was in the church youth group, I got baptised, I went on church camps, I tried to be a 'good' person, I asked Jesus into my heart (kinda), I called myself a Christian, and I generally thought that I was.
I knew all about Jesus, I knew some of the answers if I was asked about Christianity by my friends, I knew some of the bible stories, I knew what you had to do to become a Christian. So because I asked Jesus into my heart I thought that I was saved, I'm not all that convinced that I was as I really don't think that I meant it, and if I did it was momentary and I wanted to live my life for me, I didn't want to live as a Christian, I didn't want to lose control, I didn't want to give up my life. I knew it all in my head but it hadn't reached my heart due to me hardening it.
Looking back I realise that Jesus wasn't real to me, I pretended he was on the outside but deep down I knew that I saw him as something equal to Mother Nature or Santa. So when I heard in sermons or from friends 'I know Jesus' and people confessing their love for Jesus, I kinda ignored it/thought they were a bit strange, I told myself I knew Jesus but I was too scared to question that I quite possibly didn't.
Even a few months back before I moved back home, if you had asked me 'Do you love Jesus?' I would have said 'Err...... yeah of course I do' (with an embarrassed laugh and a funny look on my face...well funnier than normal), I would have then swiftly changed the topic and made a few really bad jokes to make sure I didn't have to talk about Jesus. As I knew that I didn't really have a proper relationship with Jesus. And that made me uncomfortable, mainly as all my best friends were Christians and I didn't want to lose them by questioning if I wasn't actually a Christian or if I was saved and I wasn't living as a Christian.
All that being said, I have been changed these past few months, God has cultivated my heart, and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus is very much real to me. I am not scared to say it: I really do love Jesus.
David
No comments:
Post a Comment